Book Review: What my Bones Know A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo
/“Powerful, enlightening, and hopeful, What My Bones Know is a brave narrative that reckons with the hold of the past over the present, the mind over the body—and examines one woman’s ability to reclaim agency from her trauma.”
For the first time in a long time, I recently finished a book that I couldn’t put down. What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo, an acclaimed Malaysian-American radio journalist, had me staying up too late, squeezing in one more chapter. One thing that stood out right off the bat is that it's written from a client’s perspective, rather than the often pedantic nature of books written by therapists and researchers. What My Bones Know was easy to read, despite its sometimes harrowing first person account of physical and emotional child abuse.
Stephanie Foo’s life is changed forever when she learns her diagnosis of C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder), which can be described as: a learned set of responses and a disruption of important developmental tasks due to repeated trauma. What sets it apart from PTSD is it develops when someone is exposed to a traumatic event repeatedly over the course of years. For instance, It’s nearly impossible to endure ongoing child abuse and not struggle with symptoms of complex post traumatic stress as an adult. Foo demystifies the condition, and educates readers on its whole-body grip (hence “what my bones know”), as well as the healing process by sharing her own journey with trauma recovery. Her story includes returning “to her hometown of San Jose, California, to investigate the effects of immigrant trauma on the community, and uncovers family secrets in the country of her birth, Malaysia, to learn how trauma can be inherited through generations.”
Foo is an incredible storyteller with a charismatic voice – she has worked on big name series like This American Life – so I had to download the Audible version as well as read the hard copy. One benefit of listening to the book is getting to hear powerful recorded snippets from her sessions with Dr. Jacob Ham, a modern psychoanalytic relational psychologist she finds toward the end of the book. Ham helps Foo to integrate her C-PTSD diagnosis and improve the way she relates to herself. This includes providing love to the parts of ourselves we’d rather banish, or as Dr. Ham conceptualizes it: “befriending The Hulk”.
Ultimately she discovers that healing is not a destination, but more a way of life. A way of relating to oneself more gently while gradually dismantling the deep-rooted illusion of shame born of past experiences she couldn’t control.
This book is for anyone who desires to heal. It provides a beautiful, and often humorous, inside-look at someone else’s brave and comprehensive healing journey, reminding us that we’re not alone in our struggle, nor in our ongoing efforts to heal.
If you think you could be struggling with complex post traumatic stress, therapy is a great place to start or continue your healing journey. Visit www.umbrellacollective.org/therapists to learn more about the therapists at our practice.
