Dr. Alan L. Hart and the complicated history of gender affirming care in the U.S.

By Eva Jones, LCSW

Dr. Alan L. Hart, who most of us have never heard of, single handedly changed the landscape of tuberculosis (TB) detection and treatment, and saved countless lives, at a time when TB was the gravest health concern in the nation. 

Dr. Hart was also a trans man, and the first documented recipient of a transmasculine gender affirming surgery in the U.S.

Alan L. Hart was born in 1890 in Kansas, and after his father’s death in 1892, his mother moved their family to Oregon. Hart recalled living on his maternal grandfather’s farm in Oregon as a “happy time,” where he was allowed to wear “boys clothes” and do “farm work with the menfolk” as a child. Dr. Hart identified as a boy from his earliest memories, and described his mother and grandparents as being mostly accepting and supportive. In his grandparents’ obituaries in 1921 and 1924, Hart was listed as their grandson. During the early 1900s, Dr. Hart transferred back and forth between Albany College (now Lewis and Clark College) in Oregon, and Stanford University in California, before obtaining his medical degree in 1917. Although he had taken many steps to socially transition during his college years, and had written and published works under his preferred name, Alan Hart, his medical degree listed his legal name instead. Because of this, Dr. Hart continued to face discrimination throughout his career whenever his credentials were checked and seen to not align with his presenting gender. Due to safety concerns and unemployment resulting from being outed as a trans man, Dr. Hart often had to change locations. Between 1918 and 1927, he worked in at least seven different states. 

But during these years, Dr. Hart was hard at work researching and developing innovative treatments for TB. Dr. Hart was one of the first physicians to document how TB spread from the lungs via the circulatory system, leading to lesions in the kidneys, spine, and brain, and eventually, to death. This knowledge completely shifted how medical professionals were diagnosing and treating a myriad of illnesses, such as “consumption,” “Koch’s disease,” and “lupus vulgaris,” realizing now that these were all, actually, cases of TB. Dr. Hart’s research helped the medical field understand that, since there is no cure for TB, early detection is essential for treatment and survival. Because TB often shows no symptoms in the early stages, Dr. Hart started using X-rays for early detection. X-ray technology had been discovered in 1895, but was mainly used to detect broken bones and tumors. Using X-rays for early detection allowed for TB patients to be identified before they showed symptoms, isolated from the general population, and treated, often saving the patients’ lives and the lives of countless others who would have otherwise been exposed to the disease. 

Dr. Hart also contributed significantly to changing language and reducing stigma around TB, which at the time, was a highly stigmatized disease. Likely informed by his own lived experience, Dr. Hart understood the harmful impact of stigma, and the importance of “discretion and compassion” for treating a stigmatized disease like TB. For this reason, he referred to himself as a “chest doctor” and to his TB patients as “chest patients.” This neutral language encouraged increased access to TB screenings and treatment for the general population. As a result of Dr. Hart’s methods, by the time antibiotics were introduced in the 1940s, TB deaths had already been reduced to “one fiftieth.” From 1937, until his death in 1962, Dr. Hart held state leadership positions overseeing TB care, first in Idaho, and then in Connecticut, continuing to save lives and develop practices and protocols that would be used successfully for many years to come. 

Dr. Hart’s contributions to medicine are rightfully renowned; but his legacy as a figure in queer history is more complicated. Although Dr. Hart’s surgery was the first of its kind in the U.S., it wasn’t the first in the world. Eleven years earlier, in October 1906, Karl Baer underwent “multi-stage rudimentary gender affirmation surgery” performed by Magnus Hirshfeld of the Institute for Sex Research in Germany. Karl Baer was born intersex and assigned female at birth, but later self-identified as a man. Although enough records survived to provide proof of Baer’s historic surgery, much of the medical information of his case was lost when, in 1933, the Nazis raided Hirschfeld’s institute and burned his library of research. What records remain, show that Karl Baer’s case set a new precedent for gender affirming surgery by “enlisting simultaneous support from psychiatric, legal, and surgical quarters.” In 1917, Dr. Hart appears to have drawn on Baer’s approach, by seeking the counsel of Dr. Joshua Allen Gilbert for psychiatric and surgical support with medical transition. At first, Dr. Gilbert was hesitant to perform gender affirming surgery, and tried a variety of conversion therapy tactics including hypnosis, all of which, of course, failed in their mission to make Dr. Hart “happy as a woman.” Dr. Hart eventually persuaded Dr. Gilbert to perform a hysterectomy by leveraging a eugenics argument, that people with “abnormal inversion,” like himself, should be sterilized. 

The terms “invert,” “inversion” or “abnormal inversion,” came from the field of sexology in Germany in the late 1800s- early 1900s, and were used to describe a “theory of homosexuality.” Essentially, an “invert” was someone who was “attracted to their own sex,” and experienced “an inborn reversal of gender traits: male inverts were, to a greater or lesser degree, inclined toward traditional female pursuits and dress, and vice versa.” At this time, there was no differentiation between gender and sexuality, and all queerness was largely viewed as a moral issue and criminalized in most western countries. The language of “inversion” was used to describe queerness in general, but it also served to medicalize queerness. The medicalization of queerness was considered progressive for the time, because it rebranded queerness from a legal issue, to a pathology issue. German psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing, in his 1886 book, Psychopathia Sexualis, “defined homosexuality as an innate neuro psychopathic disorder—essentially a hereditary nervous disease,” and “portrayed homosexuals as hereditarily burdened perverts who were not responsible for their innate ‘reversal’ of sexual drive, and therefore were the purview not of criminal judges, but rather of the Neurologists and Psychiatrists.” This was the context in which Dr. Hart made his eugenics argument- during a time when eugenics and social darwinism were regarded by many not as harmful pseudoscience, but as a fact of nature, and the white supremacist logic of eugenics was socially acceptable; during a time when pathologizing queerness was progress. 

Dr. Hart successfully used this to advocate for himself to receive the medical care that he needed to live a life that was more aligned with his authentic self, and to keep himself mentally and physically well. So successful was this strategy in achieving his goals, that Dr. Hart reported in an interview with a local paper in 1918, that he was, “happier since I made this change than I ever have in my life, and I will continue this way as long as I live….” Dr. Hart’s wellness and happiness are something to be celebrated. However, the eugenics logic that Dr. Hart resorted to, positions gender expansive people as “abnormal” and needing to be eliminated through sterilization. When we look at Dr. Hart’s experience trying to access gender affirming care, and the historical context that he was doing this in, we can notice some of the earliest intersections between ableism, transphobia, and medicine, which have shaped the way that our society still provides gender affirming care today. 

That pathologization of queerness, coupled with the psychiatric, medical, and legal precedent of Karl Baer’s case, have informed the state of gender affirming care in the U.S. today, where in order for gender expansive people to access care, they often have to navigate within the legal system of their state, and always have to navigate within the “disease model” of medicine and mental health. According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), the “disease model” suggests that a psychiatric diagnosis is best understood as a “syndrome characterized by clinically significant disturbance in an individual's cognition, emotion regulation, or behavior that reflects a dysfunction in the psychological, biological, or developmental processes underlying mental functioning.” Under this framework, any experience of human distress or impairment that is clinically significant, gets understood as an internal pathology; as a failure of that person’s mind, body, or development. Many mental health professionals, especially those who understand the reality that social, economic, and cultural factors directly impact mental health, rightfully criticize or outright reject the disease model of mental health. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), created by the APA and an example of the disease model in practice, lists “gender dysphoria” as a mental health diagnosis as of 2013, replacing the more clearly pathologizing prior “gender identity disorder” diagnosis. While many critics argue that “gender identity disorder” and “gender dysphoria” are the latest chapters in the APA’s long-standing tradition of pathologizing queerness (“homosexuality” was a mental health diagnosis in the DSM until 1973), others argue that the creation of these diagnoses has provided a much needed pathway for queer people to receive care, within a system that intentionally limits care for everyone. 

The structure of our current healthcare system requires a disease to be labeled in order for the person’s experience to be considered legitimate enough by insurance companies to justify paying for care, aka “medical necessity.” Most insurance companies require a diagnosis of something to prove medical necessity. In the case of gender affirming care, most insurance companies require a diagnosis of “gender dysphoria.” While many trans people do experience gender dysphoria, and find this diagnosis very validating, not all trans people do. As gender affirming care advocate Dallas Ducar points out in her 2022 article, “Dysphoria is not the experience of all trans people. With appropriate care and affirmation, in fact, many may go on to experience ‘gender euphoria’ because they are not stigmatized and seen as ‘other’ but instead are welcomed and personal experience is not questioned.” Ducar explains that many trans people experience dysphoria in the absence of affirming social structures in their lives. In other words, gender dysphoria is connected to the presence of transphobia, because transphobia eliminates affirming social structures; and many people may not experience gender dysphoria, if not for transphobia. For this reason, Dallas Ducar and many others advocate for eliminating “medical necessity” all together as a requirement in order to receive gender affirming care, and/or eliminating the requirement for a “gender dysphoria” diagnosis. This advocacy is growing within the field of trans healthcare rights.  

It is my view that, especially when it comes to queerness, human distress and impairment can be better understood as a measure of society’s failure to provide adequate support and safety, rather than as a measure of a queer person’s failure of their mind and body, or their failure to adapt to society. As philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti noted, “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” Our society is profoundly sick with transphobia, cisheteropatriarchy, white supremacy, and other interconnected systems of oppression. All industries within our society, including and especially mental health, are profoundly sick with these systems of oppression, and have been since the earliest psychiatrists came on the scene. Many trans people are experiencing dysphoria, not because of their transness, but because our society is so sick, so polluted with transphobia, that it has been made uninhabitable for many trans people’s minds, bodies and spirits. Although change has been made since 1917, the cultural and historical context that Dr. Alan Hart lived in, is the same profoundly sick society that we are living in now. In another hundred years, I wonder how much of the language we use now will sound as outdated and pathologizing as “abnormal inversion” sounds today?

We don’t know the extent to which Dr. Hart himself believed in the eugenics argument he cited for his own gender affirming care, but we do know that his surgeon Dr. Gilbert believed it; enough to perform the surgery. We don’t know all of Dr. Hart’s inner thoughts, but we do know that the intersections of transphobia and ableism in our healthcare system put him in a position to have to prove that he was abnormal enough, diseased enough, to necessitate surgical intervention. We do know that still today, the disease model’s requirement of “medical necessity” continues to put trans people in a position to have to prove that they experience gender dysphoria to access care, even if they don’t relate to this experience, and even if they find this language and framing harmful. Queer people still have to appeal to a system which pathologizes us in order to access care. 

To some, perhaps Dr. Alan Hart was a resourceful trans icon who, under the yoke of transphobia, did what he needed to do to be able to live authentically, and who made medical history in multiple ways in the process. To others, perhaps Dr. Alan Hart was an internalized eugenicist who, from his place of privilege as white, middle class, and highly educated, got what he needed for his authentic life, at the expense of less privileged queer, BIPOC, disabled, and poor people who suffered the most violence from eugenics. Perhaps, like me, you can notice both interpretations coming up from different parts of yourself. 

Dr. Hart once said, “Each of us must take into account the raw material which heredity dealt us at birth and the opportunities we have had along the way, and then work out for ourselves a sensible evaluation of our personalities and accomplishments.” Maybe we can work out a sensible evaluation, a nuanced view, of our own complicated feelings about Dr. Hart and about the current system of gender affirming care. Maybe it’s more helpful to hold “both, and,” rather than “either, or” with this human being, and with this human-made system of healthcare. We can celebrate Dr. Hart’s significant medical contributions and honor his position in history as a significant trans figure; and at the same time, we can hold the reality that his self advocacy, while a success for him and likely his only viable option, did contribute to the harmful ideology of eugenics, which is still negatively impacting marginalized people today. Similarly, we can recognize the positive impact of the gender dysphoria diagnosis in giving queer people access to life-saving care, and in validating some peoples’ real and impactful experiences of dysphoria; while also recognizing the systemic and personal harm of queer pathologization that the disease model perpetuates.

My Hometown Hero: Dr. Mary Edwards Walker

By Eva Jones, LCSW

In the small town of Oswego, NY, outside of an unassuming rural town hall, there is a 900 lb bronze statue of a woman wearing trousers under her knee-length dress, and a quote that reads, “I have got to die before people will know who I am and what I have done. It is a shame that people who lead reforms in this world are not appreciated until after they are dead; then the world pays its tributes…”. That woman is Dr. Mary Edwards Walker.

Mary Edwards Walker was born to abolitionist parents in 1832 in the town of Oswego NY. As free-thinking radicals of the time, Walker’s parents opened the first free school in Oswego, to ensure that their daughters had access to the same education as their son. Walker went on to attend medical school at Syracuse University, graduating as the second woman ever in the US to obtain a medical degree (right behind Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell, another SU graduate). 

Growing up, Dr. Walker’s parents had been accepting of her preference for pants instead of skirts, but as a woman out in the world she encountered severe social and professional backlash, and physical and legal violence, for refusing to wear the clothing assigned to women of the 1800s, which was heavy, restrictive, and difficult to clean. Walker became a powerful advocate for “dress reform”, and was quoted as saying, “The greatest sorrows from which women suffer to-day… are those physical, moral, and mental ones, that are caused by their unhygienic manner of dressing!”. Dr. Walker maintained that clothing has no gender. After being arrested in 1870 in New Orleans for wearing “men’s clothes” including her signature top hat (one of several such arrests in her lifetime), Dr. Walker stated, “I don't wear men's clothes, I wear my own clothes.”. 

When the civil war began in 1861, Dr. Walker decided to join the Union’s efforts. But, she was not permitted to be a medical officer because she was a woman, so instead she served as an “unpaid volunteer”. Dr. Walker traveled to the front lines, and in 1863 became the first woman to serve as a US army surgeon. Walker often crossed battle lines to tend to wounded soldiers and civilians, and in 1864, she was captured by confederate troops and held as a prisoner of war. While imprisoned, Dr. Walker still refused to wear the “women’s clothes” that were provided by her captors, maintaining that pants were more comfortable, hygienic, and made her work as a surgeon easier. Walker was released in a prisoner exchange four months later, and continued her volunteer medical work. After the war ended in 1865, Dr. Walker was awarded the Medal of Honor for Meritorious Service by President Andrew Johnson. To this day, Dr. Walker is the only woman in US history to have been awarded the Medal of Honor. Despite this achievement, Dr. Walker never received a military pension because she had never been officially hired by the military. 

Throughout her life, Dr. Walker used her political voice to its fullest extent. In addition to dress reform, she spoke out on abolition, women’s political rights and suffrage, and religious tolerance. Several times during her adulthood, Dr. Walker tried unsuccessfully to register to vote, and even ran for political office in 1881 and 1890. In her later years, Dr. Walker joined the suffragist movement and continued her fight for women to gain the right to participate in politics. Looking back on her life in 1897, Dr. Walker wrote, “I am the original new woman ... Why, before Lucy Stone, Mrs. Bloomer, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony were ... before they were, I am. In the early forties, when they began their work in dress reform, I was already wearing pants.”

“Coming out” as Late-Diagnosed Neurodivergent: How You Can Support Yourself and How Your Loved Ones Can Support You

By Eva Jones, LCSW

If someone were to ask me about my “coming out” experiences, I’d have to ask, “Which ones? Coming out about queer sexuality, or coming out about late-diagnosed autism and ADHD (AuDHD)?” Of course, sexuality and neurodivergence are different, so my experiences sharing them have been different. But there were many themes in each experience that felt similar: choosing to let someone in on a part of myself that I hadn’t named or claimed before, the vulnerability of allowing a part of myself to be seen and known, and my fear that this part of me would not be understood, engaged with, or embraced. 

Drawing on my own experiences and the experiences of other late-diagnosed neurodivergent (ND) adults, below is a list of things to consider if you are that late-diagnosed adult who is coming out, or if you are a loved one who wants to support them.

For late-diagnosed ND adults coming out:

  1. Practice self-validating your own experiences and your own understanding of yourself. 

    As you learn more about your own brain/body system and gain insight, self validating what you know about you is deeply valuable in and of itself. After all, you are the #1 expert on you. But practicing self validation can also help you communicate your understanding of yourself to your loved ones to help them understand you better too!

  2. Prepare yourself for their reaction, and know that you may need to educate them a little. 

    Not necessarily educating them on neurodivergence in general (no need to break out a TedTalk when general info is easily google-able), but educating them on you: what you would like them to know and understand about your experiences with neurodivergence and how your diagnoses (whether self or formal) affect you. Thanks to decades of misinformation and the impact of ableism, most people are ignorant about neurodivergence and what it can really look like. Even as a ND person myself, everything I’m learning about myself and other ND people is being learned against a tide of misinformation and ableism that’s been programmed into me. As one fellow ND adult put it, “ND people often get seen as ‘problem people’, and not everyone will understand that there is a spectrum of experiences.” The person you are coming out to is likely to have been affected by this messaging like we all have been, and may have incorrect assumptions about what it means to be ND. They may have questions for you, and if you are someone with low support needs or high masking, they may be surprised by your diagnosis.  

  3. Reflect on your relationship with your loved one before you share with them. 

    What is your dynamic like with this person? What parts of your experience feel emotionally safe to share with them? Are there any parts of your experience that you feel unsure about sharing with them, or don’t feel emotionally safe with them to share at all? In the past, if you’ve disclosed things with them that felt vulnerable, what has that been like? Did they respond in a way that made you regret telling them, or did you feel like you wanted to share more? Asking yourself these questions can help you decide what parts you want to share with them, what parts you don’t want to share with them (whether not right now, or never), and how you want to share with them. 

  4. Remember that sharing about your neurodivergence is very personal, and is yours to keep private or share as YOU so choose. 

    Like any coming out situation, you should have ultimate authority over whether or not you disclose, what you disclose, to who, when, where, and how. To allow yourself to be seen and known by another person is a gift that you choose to give them, usually because you trust that they will receive the gift of you with appreciation. It is not required in any relationship. 

  5. Think about how you want to frame it, and whether or not you have a request for support from this person. 

    What are your goals in sharing your neurodivergence with them? Do you want them to have a deeper understanding of you to bring you closer? Do you want to be able to talk openly about neurodivergence with them or around them? Do you want them to follow up with doing their own learning? Do you want any level of emotional, financial, or practical support from them? If so, consider saying or asking these things directly, whether or not that happens during the “coming out” conversation. 

  6. Think about what boundaries you want to hold in the experience of coming out to this person. 

    Do you want your loved one to know, but would not feel emotionally safe with them to hear their reaction or receive their feedback? You can say, in your own words, something like, “This is an announcement, not a conversation. I want to share this with you so that you can know this part of me exists, but I’m not available to hear your thoughts or feelings about it”. 

    Or maybe you want to share it, and you do want to hear their thoughts and feelings, but you don’t want to be criticized or receive push-back. You can say, “I do want to hear your thoughts and feelings, but I’m not available for criticism on this”. Or, “I’m open to hearing your reaction, but just know that you sharing your thoughts and feelings on this will not change the reality of what I’m telling you.”

    Then, if they try to criticize, or share more of their input beyond your boundary, it’s 100% your responsibility to remind them that you said you were not open to hearing this, and then to disengage. You can say something like, “sorry to interrupt, but as I said before, I’m not available to hear this, so I’m going to walk away/end the call/etc for now.”

  7. Consider creating a care plan to support yourself through the experience of coming out.

    What kind of support might you need before, during, and after this experience? What will help you feel a little more comfortable, a little more supported, a little braver? If you expect that this experience will be challenging, or might use up a lot of your spoons for the day, can you plan to do it at a time when you are more likely to feel resourced? Can you plan to not have challenging things to do afterwards? What do you need to recover? Who and what are your resources for the support you need? How can you take good care of yourself?

For supportive loved ones:

  1. Understand that, like everyone in our society, you too have been impacted by ableism and misinformation about neurodivergence. 

    You likely have incorrect assumptions, judgements, and internalized biases about neurodivergent people, and there is probably a lot that you don’t understand yet. Practice self compassion on this. It makes sense that you would have learned these beliefs, and shaming or harshly criticizing yourself isn’t helpful. Now you have an opportunity to learn more and think differently- what a gift! 

  2. Stay open, present, compassionate, and allow your loved one to share in their own way. 

    If there are parts of what they are sharing that are hard to take in or hard to make sense of in the moment, it is 100% your responsibility to use your skills to regulate your own brain/body, or to get support from someone else later (not the person coming out to you) so that you can stay in the present moment and actively listen to what your loved one is sharing with you. If you’re anything like me, you might need to write down your thoughts so that you don’t interrupt the other person, take deep breaths, and remind yourself to keep an open mind. If things don’t make sense, you might be able to ask questions and sort them out later, but right now it’s time to give your loved one space to share, and time for you to listen. 

  3. Thank them for sharing with you, and for trusting you with this information. 

    If they’re open to it, ask them what it was like for them to share with you, and let them know that you’re so grateful they did. If they’re open to it, ask them if there is any support they want or need from you, if there is anything you should change about how you interact with them, or if there is anything else they would like you to know about them. 

  4. Get curious about what your loved one is sharing with you! 

    Sit with what they tell you, take it in, then get interested with compassion and curiosity. Imagine what it might be like, feel like, to be them. What might the world be like for them to move through? One of the best ways to respond to someone when they share important information about themselves with you, is to be interested. This is the basis of empathy. Show them that they are worth your curiosity, and that you value thinking about them and their experience. Ask questions if they are open to being asked. If you’re not sure, you can check by saying, in your own words, something like, “is it alright if I ask you a question about what this is like for you?” or, “to help me understand better, can I ask you a question about xyz?”

  5. Do your own learning about neurodivergence, and if they’re open to it, ask the person who came out to you for their input on resources to help you learn more! 

    As you’re learning about neurodivergence, you’ll learn that you can’t make assumptions or generalizations about neurodivergent people. As the saying goes, “if you’ve met one Autistic person, you’ve met one Autistic person”. Everyone’s neurological wiring and lived experiences are unique. So, if you’d like to learn more about this specific person who is sharing with you, they are the expert and best resource on themselves. 

  6. Understand that your loved one may seem different after diagnosis. 

    Many ND people, but especially Autistic people, learn “masking” or “camouflaging behaviors” to assimilate to neurotypical society. This is a survival response to avoid social rejection, isolation, discrimination, and/or violence. As your ND loved one starts accepting their authentic self, they may start to “unmask” and engage in behaviors or communication styles that they previously worked hard to hide, or only did when they were alone. When I unmask with close, trusted loved ones, often what that looks like is allowing myself to stim in front of them, allowing myself to communicate my thoughts and questions directly, and allowing myself to drop any performance of pleasantness if that’s not true to what I’m feeling in the moment. It might be a new experience for you to see your loved one’s unmasked, authentic self come out. But, if they are unmasking around you, it probably means they feel safe enough to do so, which is a good sign of the quality of your relationship with them. The best thing you can do is to remind them, with your words and your actions, that you love and accept them for who they really are. This support can have a huge impact, especially for ND adults who have dealt with a lifetime of social rejection and isolation.

  7. Get curious about your own neurodivergence! 

    This one goes especially for biological parents or family members. Autism and ADHD have a strong genetic component, and if your biological relative is coming out to you as neurodivergent, there is a chance you might have some neurodivergent wiring as well. Even if your experiences don’t meet the criteria for diagnosis, you might have similar or shared experiences that you would likely benefit from understanding about yourself. 

For more support with late-diagnosed neurodivergence, fill out our eligibility form for therapy and we’ll get you connected with one of our affirming therapists.

Check out these resources to learn more:

Grief Season

By Eva Jones, LCSW

For many people, autumn and winter are the “grief seasons”. 

The loss of daylight, loss of green as plants turn brown, and loss of the freedom to leave our homes without an extra layer, can all feel like grief. 

Yearly traditions can be a reminder that some people aren’t here this year, and the loss of them can feel like grief. 

Holidays with or without family can feel like grief; sometimes because of the loss of connection that we did have with family and don’t have anymore, and sometimes because of the loss of connection that we never had with family, but desperately needed, and feel the absence of, everytime we’re with them. 

If you’re feeling grief this grief season, here are a few things to remember: 

This is normal and common. Everyone experiences grief in reaction to all kinds of losses, not just death. A lot of people feel grief come up more strongly during certain times of the year, and knowing your own “grief season” can help you give care and compassion to yourself while the pain is more present for you. 

During autumn and winter, all living things slow down. In this way, you are no different than the tree outside your window, or the frog frozen in the mud. It is normal to have less energy, and less mental, emotional and physical capacity during this time of year. Give yourself permission to go slow. Allow yourself to accept that this may be a time of turning inward, of constricting, rather than of turning outward and expanding. It is the existence of both of these ends of the spectrum that gives us balance. 

In order to give yourself permission to go slow and turn inward, you might have to more assertively reject or challenge the layers of ideology we’ve internalized from white supremacist ableist capitalism. 

A few affirmations to help with this: 

  • I am not a machine in a factory, I am a living thing in a living environment. 

  • I may need to work to survive, but I am not just a worker, I am a whole and complex human being with needs and limits. 

  • My worth and value are innate and immeasurable. 

  • The labor I am able to produce is not a measurement of my goodness. 

“Grief season” can also be a time of clarity and resourcefulness. When we have less- time, energy, capacity, resources- sometimes we can see parts of ourselves or our experiences more clearly. From a place of compassion and curiosity, what might you discover about yourself during these times? Maybe you don’t have the energy to avoid sadness anymore. Maybe there is an opportunity to accept that this feeling and this part of you are here. Maybe you can finally choose to self-salve instead of self-criticize when confronted with pain. Maybe there is compassion and care within you that hasn’t been drawn on yet. If you were to look out at a snow-covered aspen grove in the winter, would you see a bountiful feast? Probably not. But beneath the snow, out of sight, mice and other rodents are eating their fill of the aspen bark that nourishes them until the spring. What resources might you have, that you wouldn’t see until it was all you had? 

However you experience the coldest and darkest time of the year, know you’re not alone, and your feelings and experiences are part of being a human.

 For more support, talk to your therapist about your “grief season”, or reach out to Umbrella Collective to get connected to a therapist

The Power of the Pen

By Monina Lei Reyes, LPCC

It’s Tuesday morning - I start up my computer, relishing in quaint sips of coffee while I wait. I guide my cursor to a blank document, glide my fingers over the keyboard, and wait a little bit more. I know that for the next couple of hours, my mind, heart, and hands will come together to execute acts of synchronization. They will perform a dance of sorts as a means of transforming my emotions into artwork, my thoughts into poetry. 

Throughout my work, I have been grateful to encounter artists of all forms - musicians, poets, drag performers, activists, and photographers, among others. Although they all present with vastly different lived experiences, and thus, perspectives, they all share one commonality: the discovery of solace in their chosen art medium. They view their art as a manifestation of social liberation and advocacy; it is a means of retaining individuality while rejoicing in their chosen community.

Expressive arts and mental health do not only intersect - they are intertwined. Liberation Psychology is upheld by two core pillars of understanding: 1) the recognition that living under oppression is a major contributor to suffering, and that it becomes not only crucial, but necessary, to fight systems that perpetuate oppression, and 2) the commitment to support an individual’s human right to live with a sense of agency, purpose, and joy, both individually and in community (Fitzpatrick, n.d.). The arts as a form of release works to promote liberation in regards to the oppressive systems and harmful social constructs that we have come to internalize. 

As a person-centered, systems-based therapist, I hold the belief that therapy can often feel more empowering when 1) there are active efforts to dismantle the inherent power hierarchy (client-therapist) that exists in the room and when 2) the therapeutic space is intentionally created for the client, by the client. So… how do we accomplish this? The first step entails bringing the client’s personhood into the room, and having them join with the therapist’s personhood; Seeing the client as an individual with dreams, aspirations, passions, and hobbies - and being curious about them. 

It would take much more than this blog post to comprehensively review the power of art in general as a therapeutic tool, so the following paragraphs will focus on healing through writing. There are multiple empirical studies that have been conducted to provide evidence for the idea that writing can serve as a protective factor against physical, mental, and psychological difficulties. For example, studies have shown that writing about emotions and stress can actually work to improve immune functioning (Pennebaker & Smyth, n.d. as cited in Murray, 2002), can reduce the number of sick days we utilize (Sohal et al., 2022 as cited in Sutton, 2018), and contribute to other physical, cognitive, and emotional benefits such as lowered blood pressure, fewer depressive and avoidant symptoms, and improved mood (Baikie & Wilhelm, 2005 as cited in Sutton, 2018). 

Acceptance has long been associated with greater psychological well-being, and this is often the logic behind the therapeutic outcomes of writing; writing promotes facets of self-acceptance and mindfulness, allowing for release - a core component of liberation. Although the mechanisms underlying the healing effects of writing have yet to be fully understood, the following processes are thought to be involved (Sutton, 2018): 

  • Emotional release of subconscious internal conflicts

  • Purposeful cognitive processing resulting in clarity of narratives and insight

  • Prolonged exposure to stressful events, leading to a decrease in intensity of maladaptive thoughts/feelings

  • Active confrontation of difficult emotions, promoting cognitive integration

There are multiple ways in which a clinician can integrate expressive writing into their practice - one particular exercise that I gravitate towards is stream of consciousness writing. This can be completed before, during, or after sessions, and is defined by writing that embodies the non-linear nature of our natural thought processes. Stream of consciousness writing aims to accurately depict the ebb and flow of the thoughts and emotional processes that occur in our minds, without inhibition. It allows us the opportunity to observe and acknowledge our thoughts and feelings through a non-judgmental lens, which will hopefully lend itself to acceptance and change, if needed. It is one way for us to practice honesty with ourselves, putting words to our personal narratives. 

Before I was a therapist, I was a writer. I still am. Writing has been invaluable to my process of becoming a better clinician, student, friend, and person. A blank page carries no judgment, no expectations, and no agenda - it listens, it feels, it absorbs. It is forgiving, it makes room. It simultaneously invites and lets go. It allows you to be. If you would like to start your journey in reclaiming your narrative, I encourage you to reach out to any of our therapists here at Umbrella Collective.

References

Fitzpatrick, T. (2023, February 23). Liberation Work Is Mental Health Care by Teal Fitzpatrick — NO CONTACT. No Contact Mag. Retrieved October 18, 2023, from https://www.nocontactmag.com/talking-through/liberation-work-is-mental-health-care

Murray, B. (2002, June 1). Writing to heal. American Psychological Association. Retrieved October 18, 2023, from https://www.apa.org/monitor/jun02/writing

Sutton, J., & Latif, S. (2018, May 14). 5 Benefits of Journaling for Mental Health. Positive Psychology. Retrieved October 18, 2023, from https://positivepsychology.com/benefits-of-journaling/

From Ballroom to Beyonce: the Black, Queer history of the dance music scene

By Eva Jones, LCSW

Do you know Honey Dijon? If you’ve listened to Beyonce’s Renaissance album, you’ve heard her work. Honey Dijon is a DJ and electronic musician and producer. Her work on Renaissance, along with the work of producers like Green Velvet, represents a larger trend of house music’s influence on pop music, and mainstream culture in general. But did you know that electronic dance music (EDM) is rooted in Black and Queer history? You may have noticed that in the song Alien Superstar, Queen B makes references to drag ballroom culture by the song being framed as a competition, and by the use of terms like “category”. This is no accident, as Honey Dijon wrote and produced this track, and intentionally paid homage to the NYC drag ballroom scene, and her origins in the Chicago and NYC club scenes. Long before Honey Dijon was laying down beats, these underground scenes in Chicago, Detroit (the birthplace of techno), and NYC were created by and for Black, Queer people, and provided a liberating space for self expression and community building. 

Honey Dijon provided a house history lesson with a June 2023 instagram post when she wrote, 

“In 1970s Chicago, gay people were unwelcome in bars, clubs and churches. Queer Black and Latino people - the communities at the heart of disco’s first explosion - were discriminated against the most. This negative treatment gave rise to a network of after-hours gay members clubs, warehouse parties and semilegal juice bars, where the seeds for a new form of mutated disco began to germinate. In these spaces, the sounds and ideals that rooted New York’s underground gay dance scene and its discourse of harmony and togetherness were elevated and intensified. This is where house music started and the queerness and blackness has slowly and intentionally been erased.”

Almost all music in the United States can be traced back to the Black people who created or influenced it; EDM is no different. House music originated as “Chicago House” in the early 1980s, and was characterized by “steady, propulsive beats” in 4/4 time (“four on the floor”) and disco and soul music samples. Building on electronic music styles which had been established by trailblazers like Wendy Carlos (music visionary who pioneered the use of the synthesizer, and first trans person to win a grammy), Chicago House developed as an evolution of the disco and soul music that ruled the 1970s. Frankie Knuckles, AKA “the Godfather of House Music” is quoted as saying, “House music is disco’s revenge”. Knuckles was speaking to the fact that house music developed in spite of, or maybe because of, the discrimination faced by disco artists and the genre itself. But why was disco so discriminated against? Because the genre centered Blackness, Queerness, and femme-ness. Disco discrimination was often expressed in the tagline, “disco sucks”, and was literally made explosive in 1979 with “Disco Demolition Night”, hosted during a Chicago White Sox game, in which a local shock jock, anti-disco DJ invited patrons to bring a disco record with them to the game, to be blown up on the field. The night descended into a riot as thousands of angry young white men stormed the field to destroy records produced by mostly Queer people of color, featuring the voices of mostly Black women. Regarding the cultural significance of the event, Rolling Stone critic Dave Marsh wrote in 1979, “white males, eighteen to thirty-four are the most likely to see disco as the product of homosexuals, blacks, and Latins, and therefore they're the most likely to respond to appeals to wipe out such threats to their security. It goes almost without saying that such appeals are racist and sexist…”. Chicago political journalist Mark W. Anderson joined this analysis in a 2014 op-ed, when he wrote, “The chance to yell "disco sucks" meant more than simply a musical style choice. It was a chance to push back on a whole set of social dynamics that lay just beneath the surface… It was a chance for a whole lot of people to say they didn't like the way the world was changing around them, or who they saw as the potential victors in a cultural and demographic war”. This night in 1979 is often referred to as “the night disco died”. 

But disco is far from dead; in fact, she never died, but she did get her revenge. 

Since its creation, house music has evolved into countless subgenres, all influenced by different cultures and historical contexts, but all still centering Blackness, Queerness, and femme-ness, in a celebration of shared humanity. The song “My House” by Fingers Inc (a house anthem) speaks to this sentiment in the lyrics, “...once you enter my house, it then becomes our house, and our house music… no one man owns house, because house music is a universal language spoken and understood by all… you see, house is a feeling…”. House music is not just about political freedom, it’s also about personal freedom, and it reminds us that the two are one and the same. “House is a feeling” is also about embodiment; it focuses on the desire and pleasure of moving the body, and the joy and connection of moving our bodies together. The framework of “house is a feeling” creates a space and an experience in which we get to be in our bodies, together. There is incredible safety, trust, and healing in that, and the communities that have been built by and for this music are a testament to its power. 

The history of house music that Honey Dijon describes in her post runs parallel to, and intersects with, the history of the NYC ballroom scene, and the “underground gay dance scene” at large. In addition to dealing with interpersonal discrimination and violence, as we know from our Stonewall history, when Queer identities were more broadly criminalized it was impossible to gather without threat of violence from the carceral system. So, people often gathered in private homes, or under-the-radar venues, which were sometimes, as was the case with the Stonewall Inn, run by the mob. If the mob bribed the cops enough and on time, they were less likely to raid their business and arrest patrons. This tenuous agreement brought hope for less raids, but the raids always came eventually. So, people fought back with rebellions and riots a la Stonewall and Compton’s Cafeteria, but they also created networks of alternative locations to gather and dance with relative safety. This is why early house shows, as gatherings of Queer people, were famously hidden in warehouses and basements. Twentieth century drag balls followed a similar underground path due to exclusion from more mainstream spaces. In the 1960s, there were established drag pageant circuits, in which almost all the judges, and almost all the winners, were white, despite the competitions being integrated for contestants. Fed up with whiteness, rather than merit, taking home the prize, Black and Latinx queens began organizing their own competitions, called “balls”. Although balls in the United States date back to the 1800s, Black queens Crystal and Lottie LaBeija are credited with establishing the first ballroom house, The House of LaBeija, in 1968, which kickstarted the ballroom scene in NYC. Then, and now, drag houses function as chosen families, in which “children” receive support and guidance from their “mothers and fathers” made up of more experienced members of the ballroom scene. These houses become homes. 

Today, ball culture and rave culture have influenced not just music, but media, fashion, and language, just to name a few. Countless artists have been impacted by these cultures, including: Beyonce! In a 2006 interview for The Independent, Beyonce shared, “how inspired she's been by the whole drag-house circuit in the States, an unsung part of black American culture where working-class gay men channel ultra-glamour in mocked-up catwalk shows. 'I still have that in me', she says of the 'confidence and the fire you see on stage”. With the mainstream rise of EDM, many headliners at major festivals are now white men, and much of the history and culture of this Black, Queer genre has been, as Honey Dijon named, “slowly and intentionally erased”. But for the ravers who take seriously the “ideals that rooted New York’s underground gay dance scene and its discourse of harmony and togetherness”, the history and culture are alive and well. Black, Queer elders who carved out a place for authenticity and community in warehouses and basements have done us an insurmountable service by keeping the torch lit. 

The house music scenes and the ballroom scenes were created from a place of resistance to oppression, but in their evolution they have created something beyond resistance: liberation. Liberation is to live as if we are already free. House music- its history, its culture, its feeling- invites us to get curious about liberation. 

Personally and politically, how might you live your life today if you were already free? 

How might you move your body, or show love, or build community, if you were already free? 

Let’s listen and speak to that universal language of house, and let our bodies move us a little deeper into our inherent freedom. 

What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?

By Eva Jones, LCSW

Childhood emotional neglect is what a child experiences when their caregiver is unable, or unwilling, to notice and respond to their emotional needs. This type of neglect exists on a spectrum, can be intentional or not, and is understood by many to be a form of emotional abuse. For their contributing chapter, Family Function and Dysfunction in the medical textbook Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics (2009), Dr. Stephen Ludwig and Dr. Anthony Rostain define emotional neglect as, “...a relationship pattern in which an individual’s affectional needs are consistently disregarded, ignored, invalidated, or unappreciated by a significant other. People in neglectful families are emotionally disconnected from one another, behaving as if they were living on different planets”. 

It’s very common for caregivers who emotionally neglect their children, to have been emotionally neglected or abused when they were children. Dr. Ludwig and Dr. Rostain write, 

“Parents may have trouble understanding their children’s needs for love, affection, closeness, and support, or they may feel too overwhelmed or powerless to meet these needs on a consistent basis. Neglectful parents usually come from families in which, as children, they were ignored or neglected by their parents. They also may lack emotionally satisfying adult relationships. Forced to rely on themselves for support, afraid of their own dependency needs, and reluctant to admit their pain, these parents are highly ambivalent about their children’s needs, particularly when their children are hurting, crying, or looking for emotional support. They may feel jealous or resentful of their children and may perceive them as excessively demanding and impossible to satisfy. They may be so preoccupied with their own needs that they never consider the children’s point of view. Alternatively, they may feel so angry and resentful about having children that they simply ignore them.”

For parents and caregivers, it’s important to understand that neglectful or abusive reactions to your child’s emotional needs are related to your own childhood wounds. As childhood trauma specialist Beth Tyson explained in a Psych Central article on childhood emotional neglect

“Adults with unresolved trauma from their childhood will often be triggered by a child’s emotional needs… Especially if the adult experienced emotional neglect or abuse as a child. When we witness our children demanding a need to be met that was not met for us as children, it activates the old memories that the behavior is unacceptable.” 

Clinical psychologist Dr. Jean Cheng spoke to this experience when she shared her self reflection as a parent in a 2022 interview with parent educator Janet Lansbury

“...Because how can I love this child so much and yet I’m struggling so much with this child? And so we can misattribute that as believing we are not meant to be a parent when actually these feelings are not so much a reflection of how we are or who we are as parents. They’re actually more a reflection of who we were as children or rather what we had to experience as children”.

How does childhood emotional neglect show up? 

For children and adults affected by childhood emotional neglect, the impact can show up in a variety of ways. According to a 2019 Healthline article, some common impacts that children experience are: “mood disorders like depression and anxiety, apathy, appearing uncaring or indifferent, developmental delays, low self-esteem, aggression, withdrawing from friends and activities, substance misuse, and avoidance of emotional closeness or intimacy”. Similarly, adults who were emotionally neglected as children may experience “higher rates of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression and anxiety, emotional unavailability, increasing likelihood for an eating disorder, avoidance of intimacy, difficulty trusting or relying on others, feeling deeply personally flawed, feeling empty, experiencing guilt and shame, and higher rates of anger and aggressive behavior”. 

How do we heal from childhood emotional neglect? 

If you’re reading this as an adult and thinking, “wow, this feels like me”, here are some ideas to get started in your process of healing from childhood emotional neglect:

  1. Allow yourself to grieve the care that you needed and didn’t get. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of these human needs for connection and care, that you did not receive as a child. While you’re giving yourself permission to grieve, Dr. Jean Cheng also shares her insight, “Part of healing your childhood wounds involves allowing yourself to grieve the loss of the ideal parents you never had.” 

  2. Interrupt shame by reminding yourself that there is absolutely nothing inherently wrong or “bad" about how you showed up as a kid. There is nothing that you needed to do to earn emotional care and connection, and the fact that you didn’t get what you needed from your caregivers is not your fault, and is not about you. It’s about your caregivers’ childhood wounds that they have not healed. 

  3. Practice self compassion by remembering, again and again, that you are a human being with a full spectrum of emotions, needs, and abilities. You have done the best you could with what information and resources you had, and now you are gaining skills and tools that your caregivers couldn’t give to you. Allow yourself to accept the reality that you, and all other humans, have emotional needs that deserve to be met even if your caregivers didn’t meet them. 

  4. You can practice “reparenting” with yourself, and “relational healing” with your loved ones. With a reparenting approach, you can learn to meet your human needs yourself, because as an adult, you can now be a safe and nurturing caregiver for your inner child. With a relational healing approach, you can learn to build connections with trustworthy and safe-enough people who are able to, and willing to, care for you in the ways that you need others to care for you. Through these relationships, you can build a secure attachment, and your inner child can experience healing through the safety, security, and emotional attunement of the relationship itself. 

(More resources from Janet Lansbury’s interview with Dr. Jean Cheng- hyperlinks included for books)

Dr. Jean Cheng’s recommended books:

The Body Keeps the Score

Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, and How You Can Heal

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect

Navigating Pride & Sobriety

By Brooke Rundle, LPCC

As Pride month approaches and rainbows start to appear everywhere, I’m filled with a combination of excitement and introspection. The opportunity to celebrate queer identity publicly is a privilege that has always been under threat in our country and around the world. Dating back to The Stonewall Uprising of 1969, Pride month pays tribute to decades of activism. Today, Pride celebrations are an opportunity to connect with community, renew our collective determination to live authentically, and celebrate the pure joy of being queer. We can look at the rainbows all around to be reminded that we are beautifully different, but not alone. 

And yet.

As a queer person 4 years sober, I find myself scrolling through community Pride calendars looking for events that are not centered around alcohol or sponsored by it. To be honest, the limited selection is a bit disheartening. From the parade floats to the after parties, liquor companies are capitalizing on a community of LGBTQIA+ individuals who are 2.5 times more likely to experience substance use disorder compared to heterosexual individuals according to the American Psychiatric Association. Substance use among transgender youth is also 2.5 to 4 times higher than their cisgender peers according to a 2017 research study published by The Journal of Adolescent Health.

The lingering question that I’m left with is: What does Pride month mean for a queer sober person? 

The decision to not drink alcohol or use substances can instantly make you feel like an outsider at events that are designed with the intention of making queer people feel included, centered, and celebrated. Many queer sober people have likened the experience to “coming out all over again”, because the expectation to drink alcohol as an adult is such a deeply engrained social construct.

However, many who attend Pride events drink alcohol to feel less self-conscious…less anxious…less different…or just feel less in general. The alcohol industry is a patriarchal system that has monetized a movement of marginalized people while limiting our ability to feel. The lethal message being sold to us by liquor companies is that alcohol can help you be your true self. As if falling in-line with big business, numbing our senses, and cutting ourselves off from our feelings is the key to authenticity and liberation. 

In the words of Holly Whitaker, “sobriety—not sober curiosity but sobriety sobriety—is still a thing that is seen as extreme, ascetic, fringe, punishing, underground, other people’s problem, other people’s sickness, anonymous, etc.” In other words, “it’s a rebellious act to not drink”. 

The Pride movement has always been an act of rebellion. Honoring your beautiful queer body by refraining from substances might just be the most radical way to celebrate Pride this June.  

If you are in the sobriety camp this Pride, you don’t need to do it alone! Here are 6 ways to celebrate Pride as a queer sober person. And here’s a variety of alcohol-free local events in Boulder and Denver County: 

Is ChatGPT An Ally?

By Eva Jones, LSW

For some, ChatGPT represents the new frontier of linguistic technology and research. For others, it represents the downfall of humanity and the next step toward impending robotic doom. For others still, it represents a year-old (ancient in internet time) mildly entertaining meme.

Could it be possible that ChatGPT might also be a resource for gender affirming social support? 

In late March 2023, Umbrella Collective’s very own Li Brookens, reached out via email with a surprising discovery. They reported,

“I went to -  https://chat.openai.com/chat; I set up a login; I asked the following question:

‘Walk me through supporting my “transgender” friend who just came out versus informing my transgender friend about “gender ideology”’

[and this is what it said]:”

As an AI language model, I'm happy to provide you with some guidance on how to support your transgender friend who has just come out to you.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that coming out as transgender can be a difficult and scary experience for many people. It takes a lot of courage to share such personal information, so the fact that your friend has chosen to confide in you is a significant sign of trust.

Here are some steps you can take to support your transgender friend:

  1. Listen actively and without judgment: Let your friend speak about their feelings, experiences, and thoughts about their gender identity. Listen attentively and ask questions to clarify and understand.

  2. Use the right pronouns: Ask your friend what pronouns they prefer to be called, and use them consistently.

  3. Respect their privacy: Don't out them to others without their permission. It's their choice when and how they share their gender identity with others.

  4. Be supportive: Show your friend that you care and support them. Offer your assistance if they need help with anything.

  5. Educate yourself: Try to learn more about transgender issues to understand better what your friend is going through.

On the other hand, informing your transgender friend about "gender ideology" might not be the best approach. "Gender ideology" is a term used by some people to refer to a range of beliefs about gender and gender identity that they disagree with. It's often used in a negative way to suggest that people who are transgender or support transgender rights are somehow promoting an extreme or radical agenda.

If your friend has just come out to you, it's important to focus on supporting them rather than trying to push your own beliefs onto them. It's okay to ask questions and learn more about their experiences, but it's essential to do so in a respectful and non-judgmental way.

Remember that your friend's gender identity is a core part of who they are, and they deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. By being supportive, respectful, and open-minded, you can help your friend feel seen, heard, and loved during this challenging time. (ChatGPT, personal communication, March 27th, 2023)

If you’re anything like me when I first read Li’s email, you might be thinking to yourself, “Um excuse me... an AI program wrote this?! WOW”

You might be thinking about all the powerful potential uses of a program like this to increase accessibility on best practices for supporting gender diverse folks. You might also be thinking about what different perspectives might come up depending on the data that the AI program is drawing on, and how a prompt to the program is phrased. You might even feel a swell of concern around the whole deal. 

Critiques and concerns about AI programs like ChatGPT, have gone hand-in-hand with discourse about the programs’ potential benefits. In a recent opinion piece for the New York Times, famed professor of linguistics (and noted anarcho-syndicalist/libertarian socialist AKA exactly the person who WOULD write about AI through a power-systems lens) Noam Chompsky, and colleagues, write,

“Today our supposedly revolutionary advancements in artificial intelligence are indeed cause for both concern and optimism. Optimism because intelligence is the means by which we solve problems. Concern because we fear that the most popular and fashionable strain of A.I. — machine learning — will degrade our science and debase our ethics by incorporating into our technology a fundamentally flawed conception of language and knowledge.”

They go on to elaborate that the conception of language and knowledge, incorporated into AI technology, is fundamentally flawed because,

“The human mind is not, like ChatGPT and its ilk, a lumbering statistical engine for pattern matching, gorging on hundreds of terabytes of data and extrapolating the most likely conversational response or most probable answer to a scientific question. On the contrary, the human mind is a surprisingly efficient and even elegant system that operates with small amounts of information; it seeks not to infer brute correlations among data points but to create explanations.”

Chompsky et al assert that it is in the process of creating explanations, where human thinking, reason, and intelligence dwell. This is where machine-learning programs like ChatGPT, are fundamentally flawed. On this, they write,

“Unlike humans, for example, who are endowed with a universal grammar that limits the languages we can learn to those with a certain kind of almost mathematical elegance, these programs learn humanly possible and humanly impossible languages with equal facility. Whereas humans are limited in the kinds of explanations we can rationally conjecture, machine learning systems can learn both that the earth is flat and that the earth is round. They trade merely in probabilities that change over time.”

This article also points out the critical concern that programs like ChatGPT are “...constitutionally unable to balance creativity with constraint”. They write, 

“In 2016, for example, Microsoft’s Tay chatbot (a precursor to ChatGPT) flooded the internet with misogynistic and racist content, having been polluted by online trolls who filled it with offensive training data. How to solve the problem in the future? In the absence of a capacity to reason from moral principles, ChatGPT was crudely restricted by its programmers from contributing anything novel to controversial — that is, important — discussions. It sacrificed creativity for a kind of amorality”

I wonder if it is exactly this kind of restriction that allowed ChatGPT to provide Li with information that is generally aligned with sentiments from gender diverse people, and gender affirming care providers? Perhaps, in this instance, ChatGPT was drawing data from content that experts in this area have shared on the internet, rather than from sources that are notably transphobic? Chompsky et al, might refer to the latter as “morally objectionable content” that ChatGPT must “steer clear” of, if it is to be deemed acceptable to most of its users. 

But, “in the absence of a capacity to reason from moral principles”, what happens if/when ChatGPT, or a program like it, is created and used in a transphobic context, where what is “acceptable to most users” is also what upholds violence for gender diverse people? I, and I imagine others, might worry about the ways in which our increasingly transphobic political climate, and the increase in internet-available transphobic content data, might negatively impact the quality or relevance of output from ChatGPT in response to a prompt like the one Li put in. 

Chompsky et al warn us that ChatGPT is incapable of finding a balance between creativity and constraint, and that it entirely lacks the capacity to negotiate morality. In other words, we cannot rely on this technology to form our perspectives for us. We have to continue to sort through a nuanced and complicated reality, and we have to interrogate probabilities and ideas ourselves, with our human brains. 

So, is ChatGPT an ally? The jury is still out. This blog title turned out to better serve as an invitation for us to explore this idea more thoroughly, than as an answerable question. 

In this instance, for this prompt and response, we gender affirming care providers at Umbrella Collective tend to agree with this output from ChatGPT, and invite people reading this to use the provided information to support gender diverse people in their lives. And, we caution users to think critically, to check in with their own ethics, and to hold the nuance of reality, when using a program like this. 

Book Review: What my Bones Know A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo

By Lainie Barrett, LPCC

“Powerful, enlightening, and hopeful, What My Bones Know is a brave narrative that reckons with the hold of the past over the present, the mind over the body—and examines one woman’s ability to reclaim agency from her trauma.”

For the first time in a long time, I recently finished a book that I couldn’t put down. What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo, an acclaimed Malaysian-American radio journalist, had me staying up too late, squeezing in one more chapter. One thing that stood out right off the bat is that it's written from a client’s perspective, rather than the often pedantic nature of books written by therapists and researchers. What My Bones Know was easy to read, despite its sometimes harrowing first person account of physical and emotional child abuse.

Stephanie Foo’s life is changed forever when she learns her diagnosis of C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder), which can be described as: a learned set of responses and a disruption of important developmental tasks due to repeated trauma. What sets it apart from PTSD is it develops when someone is exposed to a traumatic event repeatedly over the course of years. For instance, It’s nearly impossible to endure ongoing child abuse and not struggle with symptoms of complex post traumatic stress as an adult. Foo demystifies the condition, and educates readers on its whole-body grip (hence “what my bones know”), as well as the healing process by sharing her own journey with trauma recovery. Her story includes returning “to her hometown of San Jose, California, to investigate the effects of immigrant trauma on the community, and uncovers family secrets in the country of her birth, Malaysia, to learn how trauma can be inherited through generations.”

Foo is an incredible storyteller with a charismatic voice – she has worked on big name series like This American Life – so I had to download the Audible version as well as read the hard copy. One benefit of listening to the book is getting to hear powerful recorded snippets from her sessions with Dr. Jacob Ham, a modern psychoanalytic relational psychologist she finds toward the end of the book. Ham helps Foo to integrate her C-PTSD diagnosis and improve the way she relates to herself. This includes providing love to the parts of ourselves we’d rather banish, or as Dr. Ham conceptualizes it: “befriending The Hulk”.

Ultimately she discovers that healing is not a destination, but more a way of life. A way of relating to oneself more gently while gradually dismantling the deep-rooted illusion of shame born of past experiences she couldn’t control.

This book is for anyone who desires to heal. It provides a beautiful, and often humorous, inside-look at someone else’s brave and comprehensive healing journey, reminding us that we’re not alone in our struggle, nor in our ongoing efforts to heal.

If you think you could be struggling with complex post traumatic stress, therapy is a great place to start or continue your healing journey. Visit www.umbrellacollective.org/therapists to learn more about the therapists at our practice.

Reclaiming Movement: A Rejection of Diet Culture’s Cooptation of Exercise

By Eva Jones, LSW

I, like most of us who grew up inundated with harmful messaging from “diet culture,” believed for most of my life that the only point of exercising (or at least the biggest point) was to lose weight. In a recent NPR article, UK-based body image researcher Nadia Craddock defines “diet culture” as “that collective set of social expectations telling us that there’s one way to be and one way to look and one way to eat and that we are a better person, we’re a more worthy person if our bodies are a certain way.” Throughout my history of experiencing body shame and disordered eating, the times I exercised with intention were the times that I meant to lose weight. Even the word “exercise” brings up reactions related to body shame for many people, myself included. In so many ways, diet culture has kidnapped the whole concept of moving our bodies, packaged it with shame, and sold it back to us for the cost of an infomercial workout DVD box set. 

As I got older, and gained more access to learning around the values of feminism, I began to unlearn the values of diet culture, and forge my new relationship of acceptance with my body. Something happened in my relationship with exercise: in my process of letting go of the unhealthy expectations of diet culture, the pendulum swung the other way and I completely rejected exercise. Once I had removed the value of making myself smaller from the concept of exercise, I saw no value in it whatsoever. I dismissed recommendations of exercise as a path toward wellness as outright bullshit. Every wellness influencer posting images of the back of a blonde woman’s head, walking through the forest, with the words “exercise is the best antidepressant” overlain on the image, was a liar and a fraud. I often angrily wondered aloud, to anyone who would listen, “how dare they push this diet culture narrative that is making people blame themselves when going for a walk in the woods doesn’t cure their depression?!”. I wanted to allow myself the challenge of accepting myself as I was. 

At the time, my work was to let go of the pressure on myself to exercise, which was feeding shame. And in the process, I did build a relationship with my body that was based on my humanity. I was able to find more compassion, appreciation, and even love. Through that self love, I began to learn to listen to my body; to learn the language, to understand how and what it was communicating to me. I started understanding and meeting more of my body’s needs for nutrition, sleep, and boundaries with substances. I also started exploring my body’s needs for movement with more freedom from shame and more focus on pleasure. This perspective on pleasure was introduced to me by adrienne maree brown’s book, Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good, part of her Emergent Strategy Series. In her writing, adrienne asks the question, “How do we make social justice the most pleasurable human experience? How can we awaken within ourselves desires that make it impossible to settle for anything less than a fulfilling life?” I realized that I was fighting for some idea of “social justice” without any understanding of what a fulfilling life even feels like, let alone how to get there. I realized that I was so deeply programmed by shame, mind-body dualism, and “protestant work ethic” that I was alienated from my body, devaluing and dismissing the pleasure of my body altogether. 

I started asking myself, “What brings me pleasure? How do I know pleasure when I feel it?” I started going on daily walks and enjoying the warmth of my legs as blood flowed through them. I started to go out for only music that I wanted to hear and allowed my body to move as it wanted to. I allowed myself to stay in my body while hiking and practiced reframing the stimulation of being in my body from “uncomfortable, unwanted, a threat” to “pleasurable.” From this practice, I noticed that when I was resisting being in my body, when I was disembodied, when I was dissociated, my heart rate increasing and my muscles getting warm felt unbearable to me because they made me notice my body; they pulled me back in when I was trying to get out. But when I could breathe deep into my diaphragm and remind myself that I am safe in my body, that this is my only home, that my body supports me without me even having to think about it, I was able to stay with the sensation. And, when I was no longer running away from my body, but just allowing myself to be, I experienced its pleasure. The discomfort of being in my body after a lifetime of disembodiment has been, by far, my biggest challenge when engaging with movement. I am challenged by this practice every day. And every day that I can have a few moments of being embodied, is a gift. 

To my complete surprise: engaging with movement has improved my mental health. Because, guess what? The brain is the body and the body is the brain. Turns out, taking care of one looks like, you guessed it: taking care of the other. Regular movement has had an overwhelmingly positive impact on my mental health. My mood is more stable, my energy is more consistent, and I have so much more access to my other skills. Probably the biggest impact has been from centering myself and my own wellbeing in my life. I am now in a stronger, more supportive relationship with all parts of myself, which includes making my mental/physical health a top priority. Whereas, for most of my life, my mental/physical health was at best an afterthought, and at worst, a source of shame. As I’ve been bringing movement into my daily routine, I’ve been reminding myself, “I’m doing this for my brain-body system. I’m doing this for my mental well-being. I’m doing this to regulate my hormones and neurochemicals. I’m doing this to feel stronger. I am NOT doing this to lose weight.” The last point is backed up by a rigid (for now) boundary on refusing to weigh myself. 

As is often the case when we learn something integral to our wellbeing, and make a needed and positive change, I have also been processing grief for all the time I spent not being in my body, not being in this place. Part of processing my grief means processing waves of unpleasant emotions like anger and resentment toward the entire mental health/medical industrial complex in this country, which seems to be inextricably tied up with diet culture. I started going down rabbit holes of research on exercise as an intervention for mental health conditions, and opinion pieces about the dangers of the US health system denying a holistic approach, in favor of the view that we are disembodied, segmented, and can treat issues in isolation. I find myself often outraged and thinking, “Why is movement thought of as a first-line intervention in so many countries, but not here? How many of us are too busy trying to survive in capitalism, to notice that our bodies and brains are degrading? How many of us are noticing and are just too exhausted, and internally and externally under-resourced, to make any lifestyle changes? How many people like me have been lied to by the messaging of diet culture, and for too long believed that there is no inherent benefit to movement beyond reaching some bullshit ‘standard of beauty’? Why have my doctors only ever told me that my BMI was too high, case closed, but skipped the part about how moving my body could help my mental health? How many doctors don’t even get that training? How am I a clinically trained therapist and social worker, and am just now finding all this out, eight years into my career? What about people who don’t have the access to information, privilege, and resources that I have?” This process has prompted a hell of a lot of self reflection, personally and professionally, to say the least. 

I know I’m not the only one. I’m seeing a new wave online of memes and posts with the theme: “devastated to report that exercise is actually helping my mental health,” and “livid that this works, now I have to keep doing it wtf.” If this feels familiar, I’m right there with ya. 

The bottom line is this: diet culture doesn’t get to steal movement from us anymore. We’re taking back this essential element of the human experience and leaving the shame behind. 

Grief During the Holidays

By Virginia Sanford, LPC

What makes grief so hard? If we all experience loss and the corresponding sorrow that follows, why do we so often feel alone, isolated and unseen in our pain? Yes, grief is unique and personal. Yes, everyone grieves in their own way and on their own timeline. But shouldn’t we be able to find some point of connection in the shared human experience of loss? Generally speaking, modern western culture does a terrible job of acknowledging and supporting grief. Common responses range from visible discomfort and avoidance to well-intentioned albeit invalidating platitudes such as “they are in a better place now” or “time heals all wounds”. The discomfort that radiates off of others who don’t know how to respond to the raw, wild pain that is grief sends the implicit message that grief should be a private, contained and controlled experience. In other words, “don’t get your grief on me.”

Now let’s add the holidays into the mix. Days are short. Nights are long. Anyone who has been wracked by waves of grief knows that nights can be the hardest. Then we have all of the holiday cheer to contend with. Twinkling lights, cheery music, images and messages that are filled with wishes for holiday cheer, joy, family, belonging. The holidays are full of “shoulds” that can leave us all feeling as though we aren’t measuring up. “I should be a better gift giver.” “I should be able to get along with everyone.” When we add grief into the mix, the “shoulds” quickly amplify. “I should be happier because I don’t want to ruin everyone else’s experience.” “I shouldn’t be too happy because then it won’t look like I’m still grieving.” “I shouldn’t be angry.” 

Grief cannot be generalized, though there are some common themes and considerations that may resonate, particularly when navigating grief during the holiday season. Whether this is your first holiday without your loved one, or your twentieth holiday, it is natural for grief to hit a little bit harder. You may be thinking about gifts you would have given, time you would have spent together. There may be traditions connected to the person lost that you are re-evaluating or continuing to celebrate. Other people’s joy might feel like a personal affront to your own grief. Experiencing moments of your own joy may stoke fears that you are not grieving correctly or that you are forgetting the person you have lost. Remember, grief is not linear, grief does not operate on a timeline and grief is not something that we get over.

So what now? We are all on the holiday moving sidewalk. For some grief is a low hum in the backdrop as the sidewalk moves persistently along. For others, grief is blinding, flashing lights and a cacophony of disorienting house music from which there is no rest or relief. No matter where you are on that ride, there are a few practices that may help.

  1. Cope ahead. Knowing that there may be certain events, certain people or expectations that will be particularly challenging to face can help safeguard against being blindsided by your grief. It may be helpful to know what your escape plan is if a holiday party becomes overwhelming. You might have a plan to extricate yourself from conversations that are draining or non-supportive. Try brainstorming responses to platitudes or unhelpful sympathies. Know what your self-care practices are that help you feel a little more grounded and regulated.

  2. Identify your support network. Not everyone knows how to sit with grief. Some people are really good at it. Figure out who those people are and find ways to connect with them in moments of need. You might be lucky and have people who will be physically present. You may need to pick up the magical box that lets you ping someone thousands of miles away. Sometimes it is enough to know that there is someone out there who doesn’t always know what to say, but knows what not to say or knows that there is nothing to say. Know how you will take care of yourself if you do not get a response or the response that you were hoping for.

  3. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions that arise. There may be anger, sadness, despair, longing-all of the excruciating grief emotions. There may be happiness, joy, love, delight-all of the beautiful grief emotions. Allow space for whatever is present and remember that it is natural to sometimes experience anger, sadness and happiness all at the same time. As beautifully complex beings, we are able to hold multiple opposing truths at the same time.

  4. Find ways to remember and honor your loved one. This might look different depending on how acute your grief is, but no matter where you are in your grieving process, it is healthy and important to remember those we have lost. Perhaps you cook a meal that reminds you of your loved one. Maybe you watch a movie or listen to songs that they loved. Maybe you simply say their name out loud.

  5. Practice self-compassion. Anyone who has sat in a therapy session with me, in my classroom, or really talked to me for more than ten minutes has heard me talk about the value of self-compassion. If we do nothing else for ourselves, allowing room to have compassion for ourselves is the most valuable practice we can develop. We are all doing our best to navigate this wild, painful, beautiful and frightening world. When the “shoulds” start to creep in, when the painful emotions flare up-try responding to yourself with compassion and kindness. “I am doing the best that I can in the context of my entire world being flipped upside down.”

Grief is hard. Grief is unbearable. Grief is all-consuming. Grief is transformative. Grief is alchemical. Grief is human. One or all of these sentences may ring true for you. Grief is not something that you put down or move on from; it is something that becomes a part of who we are. No matter how loud or how quiet your grief is during this particular season (and beyond), know that there is room for sadness, tears, anger, laughter, love and joy. If you could use some more support as you are trying to navigate your grief, you can reach out to connect with one of our therapists at Umbrella Collective.

Neurodiversity: a not-so-new framework for understanding our brains and our selves

By Eva Jones, LSW

You may have heard the term “neurodiversity”, making the rounds on your favorite social media platforms, as people are increasingly exposed to this concept. But what does it mean, where did it come from, and how can it be helpful? 

The term “neurodiversity” was first coined in 1998 by Australian sociologist, Judy Singer, in her efforts to create a framework for understanding variation in human cognition and functioning, through the lens of biodiversity and human rights. According to Singer, who is Autistic,  “Neurodiversity is a subset of Biodiversity…Neurodiversity refers to the virtually infinite neuro-cognitive variability within Earth’s human population. It points to the fact that every human has a unique nervous system with a unique combination of abilities and needs.” Singer’s concept of neurodiversity builds on the “social model of disability” which argues against the medical understanding of disability as a pathology that must be treated or cured,  instead understanding “disability” as a social construct; a product of a culture/system that uses power and privilege to narrowly define expectations of functioning to intentionally or unintentionally exclude people with disabilities. The framework of neurodiversity also builds on earlier influences from the Autistic Self-Advocacy Movement, and specifically advocate Jim Sinclair, who wrote, “Grant me the dignity of meeting me on my own terms…Recognise that we are equally alien to each other, that my ways of being are not merely damaged versions of yours. Question your assumptions. Define your terms. Work with me to build bridges between us.” (Sinclair, 1992). The framework of neurodiversity allows us to zoom out and consider the human population as a whole, in order to disrupt the assumption of a “normal” and understand that each human represents a totally unique and one of a kind way of being in the world. 

If you’ve heard of neurodiversity, you’ve also likely heard the terms, “neurodivergent” and “neurotypical”. “Neurodivergent”, a term coined by autistic rights activist Kassiane Asasumasu, has historically referred to individuals who are born with a developmental disorder, but is increasingly being adopted by those who have experienced mental health issues of all kinds, regardless of whether these issues were present at birth, or unfolded later in life after being impacted by environment and life experiences. The term “neurotypical”, on the other hand, is most often used as a catch-all for people who do not, or do not appear to, experience impacts of a developmental disorder or mental health issues. In other words, “neurotypical” only exists in contrast to “neurodivergent”. Although Asasumasu originally intended for the term “neurodivergent” to be used as an inclusive tool, the colloquial understanding of this term has unfortunately morphed into a binary framing where there is an implied “normal”, which “neurotypical” is understood as closer to, and “neurodivergent” is understood as further away from. The implied existence of a “normal” range of abilities, needs, and functioning, is not only incorrect, it also misses the point of the concept of neurodiversity. As Judy Singer wrote, 

“Neurodiversity is:

  • a state of nature to be respected

  • -an analytical tool for examining social issues

  • -an argument for the conservation and facilitation of human diversity”

Considering Singer’s definition of neurodiversity, and the violent history of oppression that neurodivergent people have endured from social, political, and medical institutions, there is an argument to be made that the concept of “normal” is a dangerous myth that has historically been used to oppress or eliminate neurologically diverse humans, and that in the reality of nature and biology, all humans can be understood on spectrums of abilities, needs, and functioning. Just as with frameworks of gender and sexuality, binaries are often inaccurate to the human experience, unhelpful, and/or harmful. If we question our assumptions and challenge the myths we have been taught, the binary comes crashing down and we are more free to be our authentic selves. 

When we take in the framework of neurodiversity and apply it to our individual experiences, we have the opportunity to practice self acceptance and learn to respond to our needs more effectively. By making the mental switch to look at how we show up as unique members of a neurodiverse population, instead of trying to understand ourselves within a binary of either “normal” or “abnormal”, we have an opportunity to reframe the thought, “I need to fix myself” to “I need to understand myself”. Neurodiversity allows us to disrupt the idea that there is something wrong with us when we notice abilities, needs, or functioning that might feel “different from the norm”, and reminds us that there is no such thing as “normal”. We have the power to see ourselves as unique beings who are inherently valuable and worthy of understanding and care. It is only by understanding our brain and body uniqueness that we can know what our unique needs are and learn to respond to them in ways that work for us. If we can only, as advocate Jim Sinclair put it, grant ourselves the dignity of meeting ourselves on our own terms, imagine what opportunity awaits us, and what authentic selves we can free! 


Sources/further learning:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurodiversity

https://www.neurodiversityhub.org/what-is-neurodiversity 

Milton, Damian  (2019) Neurodiversity and self-advocacy.    In: Lågaffektiva dagar, 23-24 Jan 2020, Malmo, Sweden. https://kar.kent.ac.uk/79846/1/__files.kent.ac.uk_usersD_demm2_Home_My%20Files_Neurodiversity%20and%20self-advocacy.pdf

https://www.autismnetworkinternational.org/

https://dart.ed.ac.uk/neurodiverse-or-neurodivergent/ 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/neurodiverse-age/202108/negotiating-the-neurodiversity-concept 

Book Review: What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey

By Megan MacKenzie, LSW

“This book is for anyone with a mother, father, partner, or child who may have experienced trauma. And, if you’ve ever had labels like ‘people pleaser,’ ‘self-sabotager,’ ‘disruptive,’ ‘argumentative,’ ‘checked out,’ ‘can’t hold a job,’ or ‘bad at relationships’ used to describe you or your loved ones, this book is for you. Or if you simply want to better understand yourself and others, this book is for you, too.” What Happened to You?” Note from the Authors

Conversations on trauma have been radically evolving over the past few decades. As the mental health field understands more and more about the impact of trauma on attachment and neurodevelopment, especially for children, the question we ask is shifting from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”

I recently listened to the audiobook, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey. Of course we all know Oprah; what you might not know is that she has spent decades advocating for deep conversations, research, and support around trauma-related topics. Dr. Bruce Perry, meanwhile, is a leading child psychiatrist and the developer of the “developmentally-sensitive, neurobiology-informed” Neurosequental Clinical Model, an assessment lens for working with survivors of childhood abuse and neglect. Together, they explore how early life experiences shape who we are and how we interact with and make sense of the world. Significantly, by reframing our question from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”, blame and stigma is lifted from the individual. In turn, more curiosity and possibility opens up for individuals, mental health providers, and communities to explore pathways toward healing and resilience.

As Oprah describes,

“Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.”

I highly recommend giving the audiobook a listen, in favor of the printed book itself. Oprah and Dr. Perry narrate the audiobook, giving it a conversational, approachable, and engaging tone as the two describe their own life experiences, both personally and professionally. Through each chapter, you may find yourself with greater curiosity and compassion toward yourself and those around you.

If you’re interested in starting your own journey toward compassion, healing, and resiliency through greater understanding of your own early life experiences, please reach out to begin work with one of our therapists. Visit www.umbrellacollective.org/eligibility to learn more.

Relational Cultural Theory

by Brooke Rundle (she/they)

The American Counseling Association (ACA) defines heterosexism as, “the system of oppression that privileges heterosexual or cisgender identities, whereas LGBTQQ people experience oppression based upon on their sexual orientation and/or gender identity and gender expression.” The implications of heterosexism on the mental health of the LGBTQ+ community is far-reaching and immeasurable. Heterosexist oppression is often experienced on both societal and interpersonal relational levels (Singh & Moss, 2016). For members of the LGBTQ+ community seeking to overcome internalized oppression rooted in heterosexism, it can often feel like a life-long journey to deconstruct legacy narratives, implicit bias, and social expectations about sexual orientation and gender identity.

“Relational-cultural theory provides a rationale to guide therapeutic practice at the same time that it creates a basis for the pursuit of social justice.”- Judith Jordan

What is Relational Cultural Theory?

Relational-Cultural Theory (RCT) asserts that individuals innately grow in the process of seeking relational connectedness while striving for authenticity (Singh & Moss, 2016). RCT identifies “mutual empathy” and “mutual empowerment” as byproducts of human connection (Singh & Moss, 2016). RCT explores how power differentials, and the interplay of systemic, societal, and cultural factors influence the quality of relationships (Singh & Moss, 2016). Ultimately RCT provides a theoretical framework for examining the sources and impact of all forms of oppression - including heterosexism.

Why does it matter? And how can it help you?

At its’ core RCT is about the interconnectedness of human beings, for better or worse. Physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual trauma can leave people feeling violated, isolated, abandoned, and disconnected. Relational trauma has the power to shape destructive internal narratives, trigger maladaptive coping skills, and elevate internal defense mechanisms which oftentimes perpetuate the cycle of shame and suffering. However, RCT can help people recognize unhealthy power dynamics, learn how to navigate conflict, establish safe boundaries, repair ruptures, and increase the number of growth-fostering relationships in a person’s life, starting with the therapeutic relationship as a model.

RCT advocates that healing starts with connection, and relationships are as essential to human survival as air and water. At a time when quarantines are a part of daily life and most socializing takes place over social media, cultivating intentional human connection is more important than ever. At Umbrella Collective, we want you to know that you belong and we invite you to get in relationship with us. Whether it’s reaching out for individual therapy services or meeting new peers in our support groups. We are accepting new clients and encourage you to make connection when you’re ready.

References & Additional Resources:

Using Relational-Cultural Theory in LGBTQQ Counseling: Addressing Heterosexism and Enhancing Relational Competencies by Singh, A. A., & Moss, L. (2016).

Relational-Cultural Theory: The Power of Connection to Transform Our Lives by Jordan, J. V. (2017).

Preemptive Radical Inclusion: A Framework for Justice, Equity, and Liberation

by Megan MacKenzie, LSW (She/Her and They/Them)

At Umbrella Collective, as we describe in our mission statement, we strive to embody liberation, welcome and honor all parts of our humanity, deeply appreciate intersectionality, and empower all people to tell their story. (UC Mission Statement). Sounds pretty ideal, but how do we get there? How do we as therapists welcome in and actively create space for all identities and experiences of the people we work with, including and especially those identities that we ourselves might not also hold? Preemptive Radical Inclusion (PRI), a set of perspectives and practices created by consultant and educator CB Beal, is a powerful framework for justice and liberation that we can turn to, both in the therapy room and in all our daily lives.

In its essence, “Preemptive Radical Inclusion means that we intentionally position ourselves, before we know anything at all about anyone in the room, to presuppose that everyone is already, and always, in the room.

Beal gives the example of an Ice Cream Sundae party. At this hypothetical party, the host (we’ll call them “Sal”) distributes invitations throughout the neighborhood: All are welcome! All are invited! Come one, come all to the Ice Cream Sunday Party! And yet, as guests arrive, they find that the only two flavors available are vanilla and chocolate. Guests ask, “What about cookie dough? What about rainbow sherbet? Do you have any vegan options? Or sugar free? I can’t eat gluten, why are there only waffle cones but no cups?” And Sal responds, “What’s wrong with vanilla and chocolate? We have French vanilla and vanilla bean; we have German chocolate and chocolate chocolate chip, aren’t those options variety enough?” Sal is considering their own preferences and perspectives, without considering what it might actually mean to throw an Ice Cream Sundae party where all people and preferences (and dietary restrictions or health considerations!) truly are welcome.

For those of us at Umbrella Collective, we are continually processing, learning, and unlearning. We work to avoid assumptions as best as possible, and remain humbly open to feedback and being called in when we do miss the mark based on our own privileges, identities, internalized biases, and blindspots. Someone shouldn’t need to “come out” to be sure that their identities will be respected, because we assume that “everyone is already, and always, in the room.”

This framework goes well beyond the therapy room. It encourages us to consider what language do we use, and what assumptions and decisions we make at a family gathering, in a leadership position at work, or even at the grocery store. We can hold curiosity toward the assumptions we might be making about peoples’ race, gender identities, sexualities, religious backgrounds, and histories of trauma, and how those assumptions might be cutting off or excluding others. Of course, mistakes will happen based on our internalized biases. But that’s why PRI is an ongoing process toward justice and liberation, a door rather than a destination.

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about centering the margins, I recommend checking out bell hooks’ seminal essay “Marginality as a Site of Resistance,” in which Hooks argues that the margins of society, the spaces held by black women and queer trans people of color, are the space of radical possibility and change, and only when we enter those margins can we truly find liberation. Preemptive Radical Inclusion strongly echoes the teachings of Hooks in this piece.

If you are interested in exploring your own relationship with power, privilege, and liberation, submit an Eligibility Questionnaire to start therapy with an Umbrella Collective therapist.

 

 

Check it out: The Man Enough Podcast with guest Alok Vaid-Menon

By Rikki Clos, LCSW (they/them)

One of the cornerstones that our culture stands upon is the male-female gender binary. This is what men look, act, and feel like. This is what women look, act and feel like. They are supposedly mutually exclusive, and any transgression against those norms is treasonous, leaving anyone who is considered gender non-conforming or transgender to be ridiculed, harassed, and worse. The negative effects of the gender binary have been widely studied with a focus on its effects on people who aren’t cisgender, but in their book Beyond the Gender Binary (2020) and as they explain in an episode of The Man Enough Podcast, Alok Vaid-Menon asserts that the gender binary hurts everyone, not just those of us who fall under the gender non-conforming umbrella.

Alok (they/them) is an Indian-American writer, author, poet, and performance artist who is gender non-conforming (GNC) and transfeminine. They authored the book Beyond the Gender Binary wherein they expound upon the damaging nature of the gender binary. They also guested on The Man Enough podcast, where Justin Baldoni, Liz Plank, and Jamey Heath explore facets of gender and manhood. The episode is certainly worth a listen to hear from Alok themself the points they expand upon in their own experience of gender in America both personally and scholarly, but I’ll touch on some of the highlights that I found prominent.

In the episode, Alok emphasizes how our culture focuses on comprehension of gender over compassion, and how this is problematic.The focus in conversation about gender that I have found with cisgender (cis) people both personally and in my work as a therapist is usually on whether or not they understand a GNC identity. This puts the weight of explanation onto the GNC person to explain their experience in such a way that someone will understand from their cisgender (and typically binary) perspective the experience of being gender expansive or transgender, which can be very painful and frustrating for the GNC person and typically unsatisfying for the cis person. This divests the cis person from holding compassion as the focus of conversations and making space for themself and others to grow as individuals rather than as members of a rigid group (e.g. “men” or “women”). As Alok said, “There’s enough room for all of us.”

But not only does the binary damage GNC and trans folks, it damages everyone. The gender binary certainly punishes people for transgressing against it and tries to disappear those people, but it also creates painfully rigid limits on every single person. It teaches all of us that anything outside of the binary is bad and worth hating, but the truth is very few people fall entirely within the rigid labels of “man” or “woman” without nuance or complexity. Because of this, people learn to hate those parts of themself that fall outside the binary. Alok argues that for the focus to shift to compassion, everyone must begin to love themselves, including those complex parts, in order to begin loving GNC and trans folks too. In this way, we as a culture need to deconstruct the gender binary in order to achieve self-love.

The gender binary is a model of scarcity, as if there isn’t enough gender to go around. And in order for scarcity to exist, there must be those with and those without. Thus, deconstructing the binary is scary for some because it feels like loss, but in reality, as Alok explains, there are as many genders as there are people on Earth because no one person’s experience with gender is identical to another’s. And that’s not bad, that’s beautiful. Gender is socially constructed, meaning that we as a society have defined what gender means and created the gender binary rather than it being biologically-determined as some believe (Hyde, Bigler, Joel, Tate, & van Anders, 2019). So if we have the space and compassion for one another, why not let gender be a playground, a place of fun and playfulness, rather than a rigid binary which only serves to hurt?

It is part of our mission here at Umbrella Collective to give clients the space to be curious and explore all things gender and find their own unique understanding of themselves. If you or someone you love is interested in exploring their relationship to gender, submit an Eligibility Questionnaire to start therapy with us.

Umbrella Collective Eligibility Questionnaire: https://www.umbrellacollective.org/eligibility

The Man Enough Podcast: https://manenough.com/podcast/

The episode of The Man Enough Podcast starring Alok Vaid-Menon: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1SovB8DUniC7EwCg3hRgCM?si=2ead81ba7df74423

More about Alok’s work and to buy their book Beyond the Gender Binary: https://www.alokvmenon.com/

Hyde, J. S., Bigler, R. S., Joel, D., Tate, C. C., & van Anders, S. M. (2019). The future of sex and gender in psychology: Five challenges to the gender binary. American Psychologist, 74(2), 171–193. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000307

What is Liberation Health?

by Eva Jones

Have you ever noticed yourself feeling exhausted, stressed, sad, or anxious, for seemingly “no reason”? Have you ever shamed or blamed yourself for feeling any of the above unpleasant feelings, while thinking, “nothing in particular has happened to make me feel this way, and I have a lot to be grateful for, so I just need to get over it”? If you have, you’re not alone. We all go through times of struggle while noticing “nothing in particular” happening at the tip of the iceberg of life, but how often do we look beneath the surface? 

Therapists like me, who use a Liberation Health approach in their work, prioritize exploring beneath the surface to name the systems impacting our personal experiences. Co-creator of the Liberation Health Model, Dawn Belkin Martinez, defines this model as, “...a theory of human behavior that conceptualizes the problems of individuals and families that cannot be understood in isolation from the economic, political, cultural, and historical conditions which give rise to them. It is also a method of practice that helps individuals, families, and communities understand the personal, cultural, and institutional factors that contribute to their problem and act to change these conditions; to liberate themselves from both internal and external oppressions”. 

It’s with this perspective in mind, that I often say to clients, “you didn’t just pop out of a box feeling this way”. You were and are, your family was and is, and your ancestors were, impacted by not just personal factors like your unique physical health, brain chemistry, and life responsibilities, but also by cultural factors like the ideologies of white supremacy, sexism, heteropatriarchy, and neoliberalism, which drive sociopolitical inequalities and create our experiences with chronic and traumatic stress, western “bootstraps” individualism which perpetuates stigma against asking for support, and lack of community resources to support us when we do ask. We, and the generations before us, are also impacted by institutional factors that have been woven into our social, political, and economic fabric by the above named ideologies. Institutional factors include systems like healthcare, education, incarceration, welfare, and capitalism. The Liberation Health Model offers us a framework to take stock of these cultural and institutional impacts on our lives, and put blame where blame belongs, toward the goal of creating individual and collective change to these ideologies and systems that are destroying our bodies, our communities, and our ecosystems. 

One of the most powerful outcomes of this approach is the potential for it to disrupt shame. How often do we blame ourselves, or assume some “badness” or “weakness” on our part, because we just can’t seem to shake our grief and anxiety and exhaustion? On behalf of Liberation Health practitioners and radical social workers everywhere, I say to you: Hello! And welcome to this current historical moment of deep social crisis! Of course you’re feeling unpleasant things like fear, pain, and scarcity. Of course your nervous system is chronically activated, and of course you’re struggling- these are normal and appropriate reactions to the literal and metaphorical five-alarm fires that are created by systems that value exploitation over life. 

It’s not your fault. 

And you are not alone. 

The more we talk about this stuff, the more we shed light on the many personal, cultural, and institutional factors impacting our experiences. The more light we shed, the less darkness there is for shame and isolation to thrive in. 

You might be thinking, “yeah sure, disrupting shame is great, but once I name all these factors, what do I do about them?” In Liberation Health Model language, the “what do I do about it” part is called the “action steps”. If you’re anything like me, you might first assume that “action steps” have to look like you going out and rallying the people to overthrow these harmful systems and create positive change. While large-scale, collective action is invaluable for community-building and change-making, and can certainly be in your action steps, action steps can also include everyday things that might feel more manageable. Mahlet Meshesha, a school social worker and member of Boston Liberation Health Group, calls these manageable action steps “life jackets”. In her article, “Drowning Without a Life Jacket: A therapist uses a Liberation Health approach to look at all the factors and develop an action plan”, Meshesha brainstorms her client’s potential action steps when she writes, “...is there a neighbor who could help with errands? Could she ask her brother for help? Is there a source of free masks in the community? Are her co-workers experiencing similar struggles, and could they organize together to approach their employer about making changes? Is there a local immigrant organization that could advocate for better interpretation services? Many of these “life jackets” are a reminder to look to our community for help when possible.” 

By reminding us to look to our support systems and communities for help when possible, the Liberation Health Model provides an opportunity to not just account for the harm that is being done by harmful systems, but also to account for the care that is being done by caring systems. We need only to look up and out to see that we are interconnected, that all of us have needs for support, and all of us have support to offer each other.

If we find liberation, it will be together, and it will be from the tender places of care in our families, in our communities, and inside each of us. In this way, health means liberation and liberation means health. As Audre Lorde once wrote, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”. 

For more resources on the Liberation Health Model, check out:

The Difference Between Support Groups and Group Therapy

By Brooke Rundle

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between group therapy and support groups

If so, you’re not alone. Many people think group therapy and support groups are the same, but in fact there are a few subtle, but key differences that are important to understand when trying to decide what type of group is best for you. 

Group Therapy is a form of psychotherapy in which a small number of people meet under the leadership of a licensed or certified group psychotherapist to gain self-knowledge and skills, share problems and concerns, and improve interpersonal relationships (APGA.com). Within the setting of group therapy, the group leader is tasked with initiating group interventions to improve interpersonal group communication and resolve resistance within the relationships of group members. Therapy groups usually include clear goals and objectives, are typically closed to drop-ins, require regular attendance, and have a specific start and end date to enhance group progress (Jacobs et al., 2016). In the committed group membership model, therapy groups have the potential to be a transformative experience for people in ways that individual therapy is not privileged to addressing from an interpersonal relational perspective.

Support Groups, on the other hand, are focused on shared experience or identity among members (APGA.com). Support groups can be led by licensed therapists but are oftentimes not led by licensed or certified professionals (APGA.com). Within a support group, the facilitators are tasked with keeping the conversation on topic and providing resources, rather than initiating therapeutic interventions or applying a specific therapeutic orientation. Support groups are typically open to the drop-ins, do not require regular attendance, and do not have any specific start or end date. As a result, the make-up of the group often varies from week to week. 

In both group therapy and support group settings, the relationships between group members serve as a tool to help participants increase self-awareness, improve relationships, and change unhealthy behaviors in a supportive setting. Both group therapy and support groups can be combined with individual psychotherapy. In contrast to individual work that can be limiting in a 1:1 setting, groups have the potential to be transformative among one’s interpersonal and relational experience. Finally, the price of group therapy is a fraction of the cost of individual therapy, while support groups are usually free of charge. 

At Umbrella Collective, we offer a variety of group therapy and support groups options.  Below are our current group offerings that are accepting new referrals:

Supporting Transgender Family and Friends (SOFFA) Support Group

SOFFA is a drop-in style support group for allies and people in relationship with transgender and gender expansive people. This group is designed to be a safe space for group members to share and process feelings, ask hard questions, and connect with others. The group meets online every 2nd and 4th Monday of the month from 7-8pm. This is an Out Boulder Group hosted in partnership with Umbrella Collective. Fill out this registration form to receive the Zoom link for our next group meeting. The SOFFA group is always accepting drop-ins. 

Long-term Adult Online Therapy  Group

*Only 2 spots remain. Referrals will be accepted until the group is full.

**Group begins Thursday March 31st, 5:15-6:30pm on March 31st. 

This ongoing online adult psychotherapy group is designed as a “here and now” process experience. Members are invited to  focus on how they function in the immediate moment and in relationship to others. This group is ideal for people who have a lot of psychotherapy experience or previous group psychotherapy experience and are interested in understanding themselves better and grow in a supportive group dynamic. Special attention will be given to members’ emotional communication, desires, and longings with an overall goal of having a progressive emotional experience. This psychodynamically-oriented therapy group will be led by Li Brookens, a certified group psychotherapist, via telehealth for people who reside anywhere in Colorado.To get more information on this group, ask your Umbrella Collective therapist or fill out a client eligibility form to get started. Applicants must complete a group consultation with Li to join the long-term group. 

Gender Expansive Teen Therapy Group

*Now accepting referrals for a June start date.

**Days and times to be coordinated with those on the waitlist prior to start.

We are excited to announce that this June we’ll be launching a new online teleheath group for teens who have non-cisgender identity and/or are questioning and exploring their gender. Specific guidance and expertise will center around exploring gender identity and expression in affirming and evidence-based ways. While this group has membership with shared gender expansive identities, it otherwise functions as closed therapy group, where teens are asked to put thoughts and feelings they are having in the immediate moment into words, not actions, and facilitators are there to guide resourceful and skillful communication that promotes a progressive emotional experience for all. Please  contact us to sign-up for the waiting list.

Gender Expansive Young Adult Therapy Group

*Now accepting referrals for a June start date.

**Days and times to be coordinated with those on the waitlist prior to start.

We are excited to announce that this June we’ll be launching a new group for young adults who have a non-cisgender identity and/or are questioning and exploring their gender. Specific guidance and expertise will center around exploring gender identity and expression in affirming and evidence-based ways. While this group has membership with shared gender expansive identities, it otherwise functions as closed therapy group, where the young adults are asked to put thoughts and feelings they are having in the immediate moment into words, not actions, and facilitators are there to guide resourceful and skillful communication that promotes a progressive emotional experience for all. Please contact us to sign-up for the waiting list.

References: 

American Group Psychotherapy Association. (2002, February). AGPA and IBCGP Guidelines for Ethics, https://www.agpa.org/home/practice-resources/ethics-in-group-therapy

Jacobs, E. E., Schimmel, C. J., Masson, R. L., & Harvill, R. L. (2016). Group counseling: Strategies and skills. (8th ed.). Boston, MA: Cengage.


Book Review: The Gender Identity Guide for Parents by Tavi Hawn

By Megan MacKenzie

“Knowing about our full selves and having freedom in the ways we express ourselves is good for us all!” -Tavi Hawn


A new book is here to support parents and caregivers in celebrating their kids’ gender identities. Hot off the press just last month, Tavi Hawn’s The Gender Identity Guide for Parents offers thoughtful, engaging, and multicultural narratives, anecdotes, and strategies that teach how to have healthy conversations and create an environment that affirms kids’ authentic selves.


This book starts off by covering the basics of gender identity, including definitions of common terms and identities, as well as a brief history of gender roles. Hawn also debunks common misconceptions about gender identity, including “Children change their gender identity because of what they’re exposed to online” (The internet can be a resource for young people to develop self-awareness and learn about how to authentically express themselves. There is actually no reliable evidence that visibility in the media makes trans identities “trendy.”); and “Parents can influence their children’s gender identity” (Au contraire, Hawn describes gender identity as “an internal, deeply felt sense of gender. It cannot be created or determined by external factors.” The choice that parents do have is whether or not they actively support and affirm their kid in who they are.)


Next, Hawn offers foundational parenting strategies for all parents who want to ensure that their kiddos have the space to be both authentically themselves and actively affirming of those around them, regardless of whether their children are gender expansive themselves. Hawn encourages parents to engage in deep self-reflection and processing, as well as to build effective communication skills (especially effective listening!), in order to model and encourage open and affirming perspectives.


Hawn of course takes a deep dive into supporting parents with gender expansive children. They offer advice for explicitly broaching topics of gender identity with kids, building a safe and affirming home, and supporting kids’ authentic gender expression. Hawn encourages parents to follow their child’s lead, ask the right questions, and above all else, be patient. Additionally, Hawn offers insight in supporting both social transition and puberty. 

Finally, the book ends with a useful FAQ section, quelling many fears and concerns that parents and caregivers might have in supporting their child’s healthy gender identity. These questions include how to navigate any fear of safety in public or online spaces, how to navigate legal name changes, how to find an affirming therapist, and many more.

Notably, this book is for parents and caregivers of all identities. Hawn writes from a truly intersectional perspective. They are a licensed clinical social worker and gender therapist who identifies as multiracial, Indigenous, Two Spirit, and nonbinary transgender, and they bring their own lived experiences to the book’s style. They ensure that folks of all identity constellations and family structures are represented and welcome in the conversation. As we at Umbrella Collective prioritize the centering of marginalized and intersecting identities, The Gender Identity Guide for Parents truly gets our stamp of approval.